Girl Talk | Better Together | TBN

Girl Talk | Better Together

Watch Girl Talk | Better Together
July 18, 2019
25:32

Modesty--what does it mean to you, and why does it matter? | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

Closed captions
  • - You asked and we listened.
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  • Today, we're talking about modesty, and a little bit more.
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  • It's not just about our fashion choices, ladies.
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  • Let's talk about it.
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  • (upbeat music)
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  • - We've got an awesome question from someone
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  • on Instagram, Janya.
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  • She wrote, "I am a single woman.
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  • "I have been working out
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  • "and starting to get more into shape."
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  • You go, Janya.
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  • (ladies cheer and clap)
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  • "I don't wanna appear distasteful or to come off lustful,
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  • "but I find myself becoming increasingly proud
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  • "of my newfound accomplishment and hard work.
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  • "Is it spiritually wrong for me
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  • "to take pictures of my results, showing off my body?"
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  • And I would just say, from the, get-out--
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  • - Keep your clothes on girl!
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  • - From the get-out, like that's a big accomplishment.
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  • - (Another Woman) Yes, first of all, yes.
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  • - And what I'm really impressed by is the question at all.
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  • 'Cause I know many of us aren't raised
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  • even thinking about that.
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  • Many of us are raised with,
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  • maybe conservative clothing was mandated
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  • and we never really knew why we were doing it,
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  • or we never really thought about dressing conservative,
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  • and so I just think, I'm already impressed
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  • that whenever we are actually thinking
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  • about what are we wearing,
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  • how are we presenting ourselves on social media,
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  • online or offline, I already am encouraged
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  • that people are thinking of the question,
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  • is this best for me to be dressing this way
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  • or speaking this way?
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  • So already hats off to Janya,
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  • we're excited about this question, let's dive in.
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  • - You know I think what came to my mind today when we were,
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  • right now when you're saying this,
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  • I think it's, what are you trying to accomplish?
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  • And it would be great if she would take them
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  • on this weight loss workout journey.
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  • You know, to journal what you've done,
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  • tell how you've changed your eating,
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  • make it an inspirational post.
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  • You know, what's your intent?
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  • Are you intending to inspire others,
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  • lettin' them know that they can do it too?
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  • Yeah, it's difficult but when you stick with it
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  • and consistency pays off, or is it just, look at me baby.
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  • - [Other Women] Look at me, look at me.
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  • - You know, I mean I really think our intent--
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  • - The motivation, yeah that's good.
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  • - How we present ourselves,
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  • and what's our intent, what are we presenting.
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  • - It's not the what, it's the why.
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  • - [Other Woman] It's the why.
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  • - It's the important, it's the why.
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  • - And ooh, on social media we post so many pictures.
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  • You know, I don't have a problem with anybody dressin'
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  • and lookin' nice and postin' real pretty picture
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  • if that's what you wanna do,
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  • but you really do have to go back to the why,
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  • and are there some deficits on the inside of you
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  • that you've had even when you were a larger size,
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  • and now you the smaller size,
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  • and you're trying to prove to yourself
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  • that those deficits no longer exist.
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  • Your size does not determine, or should not determine,
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  • how you feel about yourself.
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  • And what do you need somebody else to say,
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  • "Oh, you look good, you did a good job."
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  • - I think social media has changed this argument.
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  • Like we wouldn't have been discussing it to the degree
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  • that we are now 20 years ago, we wouldn't have been.
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  • - Right, absolutely.
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  • - Because now it's so prevalent, right?
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  • So people are posting things, and for me,
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  • because of all the young people that I lead,
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  • I ask the question why.
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  • Because if you're, are you hoping to get a job?
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  • Because I guarantee you, those employers at that company,
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  • whether it's a law firm,
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  • or whatever the job you're going for,
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  • they're gonna look at your social media profile and history.
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  • So are you okay with that?
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  • Does that say, does that describe
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  • the kind of person you're gonna be there?
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  • Because how are you presenting yourself?
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  • And they might hire you based on those pictures
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  • 'cause they're looking for, well, that,
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  • and that may not be who you want to be there.
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  • So it's either.
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  • - Respect is better than attention.
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  • - [Other Women] Very good, I like that.
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  • - It's true, 100%. 100%.
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  • - 'Cause respect will last a lifetime.
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  • - The taste of respect better than the taste of attention.
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  • - I like that, I like how you said that
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  • about how if she had lost a bunch of weight
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  • and she wants to show other people how they also can
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  • that she can use that, not to be impressive,
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  • but to be like a leader, to be inspiring, right,
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  • to not be impressive but to be inspiring to other people,
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  • and is there a way for you to be proud, 'cause man,
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  • to go through such a physical feat,
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  • of course you're proud of yourself,
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  • people post the eggs they're proud of making,
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  • so of course when you are proud of something
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  • and is there a way to do it with how it's good taste,
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  • is there a way to do it and not cause other people
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  • to go through something else seeing those photos,
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  • is there a way to post photos you'd be proud of
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  • that didn't cause other people to struggle,
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  • yeah, I wonder, right?
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  • That's got to be a question,
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  • is there a way for you to do it in such a way
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  • that was tasteful and inspired others.
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  • To Janya specifically, girl, yes, you did it,
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  • that is so amazing that you had this whole health journey,
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  • that you're accomplishing a lot of things,
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  • like I admire you, I am rooting for you,
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  • and I wonder if there's a way for you to share
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  • that story of yours to inspire others,
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  • like I'm for that, do that.
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  • I understand the tension you're feeling
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  • of what's too revealing,
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  • and I'm glad you're asking those questions,
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  • I think there are things that are too revealing
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  • if I'm being honest, but live in that tension, think on it,
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  • think strategically about it, pray on it.
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  • I think there's a way for it not to be too revealing
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  • and for you still to be able to show your journey
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  • and inspire others.
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  • It's worth battling the tension in between these things
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  • to be able to do it well, to reach a world far from Jesus
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  • and to empower other women on their own health journeys.
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  • Do it! I'm rootin' for you!
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  • Put it in the comments, we want to see!
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  • - I remember how,
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  • because I am a pastor with my husband in the church,
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  • and I remember how I used to wear my skirts really long
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  • right when we started, and I was like, you know--
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  • - They started gettin' shorter (laughs).
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  • - It was a little shorter, so I, you know,
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  • I had all of my skirts hemmed,
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  • because I didn't want to look like that, so I hemmed them,
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  • because I realized, no well I didn't go too short,
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  • let me tell you this, I realized
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  • that I didn't want to go too short because
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  • whatever I do in moderation,
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  • other people will do it in excess.
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  • You know, so if I went here, they're gonna go here.
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  • And they're gonna compare themselves to me and say,
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  • well mine's not, you know, but a little shorter than hers,
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  • well I had to again be that model,
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  • that inspiration to them to say, okay,
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  • this is what we need to present,
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  • but if I'm already uncomfortable with something, I know it.
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  • So many people come to you and say,
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  • "Am I showing too much cleavage?"
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  • I already know I am because I'm uncomfortable with it.
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  • - So I think that once we've received Christ, the Bible says
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  • that our bodies are the temple of the holy spirit.
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  • We are now ambassadors for Him, and I think you know,
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  • no matter what it is in your life,
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  • God starts working on us from the inside.
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  • Sometimes it's a process, sometimes it's a, you know,
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  • maybe you lied really bad all the time, you know,
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  • or maybe you stop lying so much and then all the sudden
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  • you're becoming a truth-teller, you know?
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  • So God works on those parts of our life
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  • because He wants to mold us, he wants to shape us
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  • and form us into His image.
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  • His image is the one that we need to represent.
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  • So whatever that means for you, you can do that today
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  • because I think we have to represent Christ well.
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  • He was love, he was goodness, and he was mercy,
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  • and he was graceful.
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  • - Maybe someone is listening on this conversation
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  • that's a mother and is saying, you know, the girls,
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  • when you go out to buy clothes, there, you know,
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  • you're not gonna wear shorts down to here, to your knees,
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  • when everybody else's shorts are, you know.
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  • And so how do you tell, you know, your child,
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  • or how do you tell someone, you know,
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  • if you have authority over them
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  • or if they respect your influence, you know.
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  • - My little daughter-in-love to be, Audrey said one day,
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  • she's 21, she said, "Modest is hottest."
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  • - I like that.
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  • - And I thought that was,
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  • I was so happy to hear that as the mom, you know of the son.
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  • I just think we had someone in our life
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  • that did something very extreme,
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  • and I remember my husband said to her one day,
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  • he said, "But why are you doin' it?
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  • "It's not that you do it, it's the why you do it
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  • "that God wants to heal inside of you."
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  • - [DeeDee] That's truthful.
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  • - So you're striving for this attention.
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  • - What I wear doesn't affect my relationship with God,
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  • but I do think it affects how people might see me.
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  • It doesn't affect my relationship with God,
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  • he likes me in my pajamas, in my bathing suit, in my jeans,
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  • he likes me however I come.
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  • But other people, you know, might judge me
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  • based on what I wear.
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  • The Bible says that man looks at the outside.
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  • God looks at the heart, and isn't that great?
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  • But it does say man does.
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  • And it would be great if everybody could just see past
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  • all the stuff and see our heart, but they don't.
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  • So it's true, people are gonna look
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  • at the presentation you have.
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  • - Someone's dressing seductively, there's a why to it.
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  • - [Women] There's a why, right.
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  • - And so that's what God wants to heal.
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  • It's not that you do it, but why do you do it.
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  • And if there's something inside
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  • that you're striving for that attention.
  • 00:09:28.080 --> 00:09:30.090
  • - I think its a hundred percent understandable
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  • that a lot of us were raised very, very different ways.
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  • I was raised in a world where it was mandated
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  • to dress a certain way because I was a Christian.
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  • And that was not a good enough reason
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  • for me to dress or not dress another way.
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  • So for many, many years,
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  • I almost dressed as crazy as I could to prove to people
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  • that I lived under grace, and they were wrong.
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  • That was also not a great reason to dress crazy.
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  • I think when I realized why, you know,
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  • why I want to represent myself in a certain way,
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  • why I want to look a certain way, why I want,
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  • as opposed of someone mandating it of me,
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  • that changed everything for me.
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  • No one could tell me what to do,
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  • I have a revelation of Jesus and the woman I want to be,
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  • and that's what I make my decisions based off of.
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  • Tons of grace for both of us,
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  • those of us who were not raised in a home that cared
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  • about what you looked like,
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  • and those of us who were raised in a home
  • 00:10:22.260 --> 00:10:24.050
  • that cared so much about what you looked like
  • 00:10:24.050 --> 00:10:25.190
  • that it was almost suffocating, there's grace for all of us,
  • 00:10:25.190 --> 00:10:28.090
  • we're all trying to figure it out,
  • 00:10:28.090 --> 00:10:29.240
  • and I would say assess what God has called you to do,
  • 00:10:29.240 --> 00:10:32.080
  • and what's the best version of you that you can be.
  • 00:10:32.080 --> 00:10:35.180
  • So many people aren't asking that question.
  • 00:10:35.180 --> 00:10:37.170
  • So many people are just fine copying and pasting
  • 00:10:37.170 --> 00:10:39.140
  • the standards of the world,
  • 00:10:39.140 --> 00:10:41.000
  • so many people are fine with just surrendering
  • 00:10:41.000 --> 00:10:42.230
  • to whatever the world and culture is doing.
  • 00:10:42.230 --> 00:10:45.120
  • I understand that for a lot of people,
  • 00:10:45.120 --> 00:10:47.130
  • they want to know where is the line.
  • 00:10:47.130 --> 00:10:49.140
  • How close can I get to the line?
  • 00:10:49.140 --> 00:10:52.170
  • 'Cause they want to be able to justify anything
  • 00:10:52.170 --> 00:10:54.090
  • that's technically the line,
  • 00:10:54.090 --> 00:10:56.240
  • when God has called us to a higher standard.
  • 00:10:56.240 --> 00:10:58.240
  • Some of us didn't grow up thinking about what we're wearing.
  • 00:10:58.240 --> 00:11:01.120
  • Like, is this conservative, is this not,
  • 00:11:01.120 --> 00:11:03.130
  • is this too revealing, is this not?
  • 00:11:03.130 --> 00:11:05.010
  • Some of us, that is so far from our minds
  • 00:11:05.010 --> 00:11:06.290
  • because we're not raised that way, and I think that is okay.
  • 00:11:06.290 --> 00:11:10.190
  • I do not think there is a check box,
  • 00:11:10.190 --> 00:11:12.070
  • you do not have to do anything to be loved by God,
  • 00:11:12.070 --> 00:11:15.210
  • or to be living in your purpose,
  • 00:11:15.210 --> 00:11:17.080
  • this is just kind of another level of
  • 00:11:17.080 --> 00:11:19.220
  • we want to set standards for other people,
  • 00:11:19.220 --> 00:11:21.120
  • we want to be leaders of other people,
  • 00:11:21.120 --> 00:11:22.240
  • what is the best way we can be living
  • 00:11:22.240 --> 00:11:25.040
  • and what is the best way we can be dressing
  • 00:11:25.040 --> 00:11:27.060
  • to be respectable at our jobs, in our lives.
  • 00:11:27.060 --> 00:11:29.240
  • It's just another level of thinking, all right,
  • 00:11:29.240 --> 00:11:32.070
  • now that I've, in this phase, how can I be in this phase,
  • 00:11:32.070 --> 00:11:35.110
  • how can I lead other people in this phase,
  • 00:11:35.110 --> 00:11:37.070
  • that's all that it is.
  • 00:11:37.070 --> 00:11:38.140
  • They want to know what's the line,
  • 00:11:38.140 --> 00:11:39.210
  • what's the hem, what's the standard,
  • 00:11:39.210 --> 00:11:41.250
  • and I'm saying for people that want to know Jesus,
  • 00:11:41.250 --> 00:11:43.190
  • I wish our questions were not, "what is the standard?"
  • 00:11:43.190 --> 00:11:47.240
  • But I wish the question was "How can I set the standard?"
  • 00:11:47.240 --> 00:11:50.230
  • - I think women were created to influence the world.
  • 00:11:50.230 --> 00:11:53.000
  • And we'll do it,
  • 00:11:53.000 --> 00:11:57.290
  • not by being frustrated with who we are,
  • 00:11:59.020 --> 00:12:02.170
  • or jealous of one another, or competing with men,
  • 00:12:02.170 --> 00:12:05.260
  • we're not gonna do it like that.
  • 00:12:05.260 --> 00:12:07.200
  • We'll do it together.
  • 00:12:07.200 --> 00:12:08.280
  • God created man, woman, together,
  • 00:12:08.280 --> 00:12:12.090
  • to actually be the influence the world needs.
  • 00:12:12.090 --> 00:12:15.200
  • And so I think we do it together.
  • 00:12:15.200 --> 00:12:16.280
  • So when we start trying to pit ourselves
  • 00:12:16.280 --> 00:12:20.010
  • against one another, there goes our influence.
  • 00:12:20.010 --> 00:12:22.060
  • When we start trying to be jealous of one another,
  • 00:12:22.060 --> 00:12:24.190
  • there goes our influence.
  • 00:12:24.190 --> 00:12:26.040
  • So when we can get really good at celebrating one another,
  • 00:12:26.040 --> 00:12:29.020
  • at walking in the strengths
  • 00:12:29.020 --> 00:12:30.130
  • that each of us have been entrusted with,
  • 00:12:30.130 --> 00:12:32.220
  • that's when the world changes.
  • 00:12:32.220 --> 00:12:34.190
  • So, exciting time, and we'll do it together.
  • 00:12:34.190 --> 00:12:37.250
  • - You can stream Better Together episodes on the go.
  • 00:12:37.250 --> 00:12:39.240
  • - Download the TBN app to watch our latest conversations.
  • 00:12:39.240 --> 00:12:43.160
  • - You know, a good way to determine
  • 00:12:49.020 --> 00:12:51.010
  • what you should wear in life is to determine
  • 00:12:51.010 --> 00:12:53.290
  • where do you want to be in life.
  • 00:12:53.290 --> 00:12:56.140
  • If you would position yourself for prosperity,
  • 00:12:56.140 --> 00:12:59.220
  • what would that look like to you?
  • 00:12:59.220 --> 00:13:02.150
  • What do you want to do tomorrow?
  • 00:13:02.150 --> 00:13:04.040
  • Do you want to be an attorney?
  • 00:13:04.040 --> 00:13:05.210
  • Do you want to be a receptionist?
  • 00:13:05.210 --> 00:13:07.030
  • Do you want to sit at the front desk?
  • 00:13:07.030 --> 00:13:09.000
  • If I could go to your social media page today,
  • 00:13:09.000 --> 00:13:11.280
  • would I see material that says
  • 00:13:11.280 --> 00:13:14.030
  • that you are attorney material for my firm?
  • 00:13:14.030 --> 00:13:17.170
  • Would I say,
  • 00:13:17.170 --> 00:13:19.040
  • "No, she would be best fit to work in the back office
  • 00:13:19.040 --> 00:13:23.260
  • "because she doesn't dress or cover herself up well?"
  • 00:13:23.260 --> 00:13:27.200
  • You have to determine that.
  • 00:13:27.200 --> 00:13:29.090
  • - Well, and to DeeDee's point, that's what she was saying,
  • 00:13:29.090 --> 00:13:32.270
  • I'm a leader, I'm in front of people,
  • 00:13:32.270 --> 00:13:34.150
  • I have to set a standard.
  • 00:13:34.150 --> 00:13:36.040
  • - [Women] I feel that, I'm with you.
  • 00:13:36.040 --> 00:13:37.210
  • - I feel that, so that's how she gauges herself, is like,
  • 00:13:37.210 --> 00:13:41.020
  • okay, if I do it this way they're gonna take, you know,
  • 00:13:41.020 --> 00:13:43.030
  • give an inch take a mile philosophy,
  • 00:13:43.030 --> 00:13:45.250
  • and so, and I love the fact
  • 00:13:45.250 --> 00:13:47.250
  • that as a leader you're conscientious.
  • 00:13:47.250 --> 00:13:50.230
  • You understand you're guiding and you're leading people.
  • 00:13:50.230 --> 00:13:53.270
  • And so I think that's so important as well.
  • 00:13:53.270 --> 00:13:55.260
  • - [Women] It is, it is.
  • 00:13:55.260 --> 00:13:57.120
  • - That's the tension between freedom to be yourself, right?
  • 00:13:57.120 --> 00:13:59.220
  • Because I also think sometimes in Christianity,
  • 00:13:59.220 --> 00:14:02.260
  • we can be so rigid in what we think is right.
  • 00:14:02.260 --> 00:14:05.140
  • - Yes, right, legalistic.
  • 00:14:05.140 --> 00:14:06.270
  • - Right? So the freedom to be myself,
  • 00:14:06.270 --> 00:14:08.190
  • which I've gotten in trouble a little bit,
  • 00:14:08.190 --> 00:14:12.080
  • so pushing that boundary to be myself,
  • 00:14:12.080 --> 00:14:14.210
  • and at the same time honoring the call or a bigger picture.
  • 00:14:14.210 --> 00:14:18.020
  • - I am so myself, have always been.
  • 00:14:18.020 --> 00:14:22.080
  • You know, it's like, I've never gone and allowed,
  • 00:14:22.080 --> 00:14:26.160
  • say others to make or set that standard for me.
  • 00:14:26.160 --> 00:14:29.160
  • I mean that could be a little off of what others may feel,
  • 00:14:29.160 --> 00:14:34.130
  • you know, as being this example-setter, understand that.
  • 00:14:34.130 --> 00:14:38.210
  • But I'm talking about the whole church look.
  • 00:14:38.210 --> 00:14:41.250
  • Like you were talking the other night,
  • 00:14:41.250 --> 00:14:44.130
  • you were talking about how you were shopping
  • 00:14:44.130 --> 00:14:46.000
  • and somebody said, "okay, this is the church dress,
  • 00:14:46.000 --> 00:14:48.170
  • "and this is the party dress."
  • 00:14:48.170 --> 00:14:50.220
  • I've never gone shopping to say, "I need a church outfit."
  • 00:14:50.220 --> 00:14:54.120
  • Because-- - You wear that at church!
  • 00:14:54.120 --> 00:14:56.270
  • - I wear this at church, so I'm gonna be who I am
  • 00:14:56.270 --> 00:15:00.290
  • at church and outside of church.
  • 00:15:00.290 --> 00:15:03.220
  • I wanna be comfortable, I wanna be the same person,
  • 00:15:03.220 --> 00:15:06.060
  • because one day I may forget
  • 00:15:06.060 --> 00:15:07.230
  • and I might wear the party dress.
  • 00:15:07.230 --> 00:15:08.280
  • (women laugh)
  • 00:15:08.280 --> 00:15:10.250
  • - Well I have a daughter who is 20, she's in a sorority,
  • 00:15:10.250 --> 00:15:14.290
  • and you know, she also sings on the platform,
  • 00:15:14.290 --> 00:15:18.190
  • and so she knows, as a mother I guide her, there is,
  • 00:15:18.190 --> 00:15:23.060
  • and I don't think there's anything wrong with this,
  • 00:15:23.060 --> 00:15:25.130
  • and if there is, y'all please tell me.
  • 00:15:25.130 --> 00:15:26.270
  • - Oh we will.
  • 00:15:26.270 --> 00:15:27.240
  • - At least Laurie will.
  • 00:15:27.240 --> 00:15:30.060
  • But the thing is is that, you know, I am conscientious
  • 00:15:30.060 --> 00:15:33.140
  • about the length of her dress and how she's representing,
  • 00:15:33.140 --> 00:15:36.200
  • and the fact that she's up on stage, people are looking up.
  • 00:15:36.200 --> 00:15:39.270
  • - That's a good point.
  • 00:15:39.270 --> 00:15:41.030
  • - So there are things that are important
  • 00:15:41.030 --> 00:15:43.240
  • and so as a mother I try to guide her and she knows,
  • 00:15:43.240 --> 00:15:46.070
  • I mean, we've had this conversation,
  • 00:15:46.070 --> 00:15:47.240
  • I'm not gonna wear this one, but in her sorority,
  • 00:15:47.240 --> 00:15:50.230
  • when they're out at the ball games and stuff,
  • 00:15:50.230 --> 00:15:52.290
  • her shorts might be a little shorter, she's a 20-year-old,
  • 00:15:52.290 --> 00:15:55.240
  • and I don't, I mean, you know, it's like, hey,
  • 00:15:55.240 --> 00:15:58.230
  • you know I mean it's not, nothing revealing,
  • 00:15:58.230 --> 00:16:02.190
  • you have to know what's appropriate for what.
  • 00:16:02.190 --> 00:16:05.010
  • I love fashion, my mother loves fashion,
  • 00:16:05.010 --> 00:16:08.040
  • and I believe I got that from her.
  • 00:16:08.040 --> 00:16:10.240
  • But what I learned from my mother was to be modest,
  • 00:16:10.240 --> 00:16:13.240
  • was to dress appropriately for the occasion,
  • 00:16:13.240 --> 00:16:16.020
  • and when I go out, I want to represent Jesus.
  • 00:16:16.020 --> 00:16:19.120
  • You know what, no judgment,
  • 00:16:19.120 --> 00:16:22.000
  • we should all do what is in our heart to do,
  • 00:16:22.000 --> 00:16:25.000
  • but I know that Jesus was pleased with us
  • 00:16:25.000 --> 00:16:27.290
  • when we not only adorn ourself on the outside,
  • 00:16:27.290 --> 00:16:31.110
  • but when we're beautiful on the inside.
  • 00:16:31.110 --> 00:16:33.040
  • Really, beauty is radiated from the inside out,
  • 00:16:33.040 --> 00:16:36.150
  • and I think when you put on those clothes,
  • 00:16:36.150 --> 00:16:38.130
  • that's when you're gonna feel the best about yourself.
  • 00:16:38.130 --> 00:16:40.280
  • - And even globally, it's like, modesty is not,
  • 00:16:40.280 --> 00:16:44.270
  • there isn't one standard.
  • 00:16:44.270 --> 00:16:46.150
  • If you think about Latin America, that's a very different,
  • 00:16:46.150 --> 00:16:49.050
  • and then you go to Northern Europe
  • 00:16:49.050 --> 00:16:50.200
  • and they're like (sighs gutturally),
  • 00:16:50.200 --> 00:16:51.270
  • and then in India, they have the flowy things,
  • 00:16:51.270 --> 00:16:55.170
  • but they show their bellies.
  • 00:16:55.170 --> 00:16:56.200
  • - Then you go to Italy.
  • 00:16:56.200 --> 00:16:57.270
  • - Right, and they show everything!
  • 00:16:57.270 --> 00:16:59.120
  • So I'm just saying, so we have to be very careful
  • 00:16:59.120 --> 00:17:02.060
  • about putting our standards of modesty on someone else,
  • 00:17:02.060 --> 00:17:04.290
  • that's what I'm saying.
  • 00:17:04.290 --> 00:17:06.110
  • - [DeeDee] That's powerful, or your convictions.
  • 00:17:06.110 --> 00:17:07.230
  • - By putting this standard on someone else,
  • 00:17:07.230 --> 00:17:09.110
  • or this checkbox on someone else,
  • 00:17:09.110 --> 00:17:10.250
  • and we don't want to give more legalism than Jesus gave,
  • 00:17:10.250 --> 00:17:13.130
  • which was none, like we don't want to undo what Jesus did
  • 00:17:13.130 --> 00:17:16.100
  • and put all these checklists or to-do's,
  • 00:17:16.100 --> 00:17:18.130
  • not wear, to wear, not to wear.
  • 00:17:18.130 --> 00:17:20.010
  • - But I do agree with that I think
  • 00:17:20.010 --> 00:17:22.030
  • your position determines how you should present yourself.
  • 00:17:22.030 --> 00:17:26.070
  • You know, position or presenting,
  • 00:17:26.070 --> 00:17:28.110
  • that was a little alliteration.
  • 00:17:28.110 --> 00:17:29.220
  • - You're so good like that.
  • 00:17:29.220 --> 00:17:30.170
  • - So that, Uh-huh.
  • 00:17:30.170 --> 00:17:31.150
  • - Doctor, thank you.
  • 00:17:31.150 --> 00:17:33.000
  • - [Other Woman] Thank you Dr. DeeDee.
  • 00:17:33.000 --> 00:17:34.080
  • - Thank you, thank you, you're welcome.
  • 00:17:34.080 --> 00:17:36.020
  • But no, I do believe that,
  • 00:17:36.020 --> 00:17:37.200
  • that if you're up in front of people
  • 00:17:37.200 --> 00:17:39.170
  • there should be a different level of presentation, I do.
  • 00:17:39.170 --> 00:17:42.090
  • You know, you are judged by your appearance,
  • 00:17:42.090 --> 00:17:45.020
  • and so it's so important that you present
  • 00:17:45.020 --> 00:17:49.200
  • how you want to be perceived, if you will.
  • 00:17:49.200 --> 00:17:52.080
  • You know, the Bible talks about how God looks at the heart,
  • 00:17:52.080 --> 00:17:56.030
  • but man looks at the outward appearance, and it's a fact,
  • 00:17:56.030 --> 00:18:00.070
  • and so you have to dress the way you want to be received,
  • 00:18:00.070 --> 00:18:03.180
  • the way you want to be respected.
  • 00:18:03.180 --> 00:18:05.220
  • - You know I think one of my biggest takeaways
  • 00:18:05.220 --> 00:18:07.120
  • from today's conversations is that there's
  • 00:18:07.120 --> 00:18:10.240
  • a lot of different ways to look at things,
  • 00:18:10.240 --> 00:18:13.130
  • there's a lot of different opinions,
  • 00:18:13.130 --> 00:18:15.170
  • but I really feel like there's truth
  • 00:18:15.170 --> 00:18:17.180
  • that remains in all of those,
  • 00:18:17.180 --> 00:18:19.250
  • and it's God's truth, and it's what God speaks,
  • 00:18:19.250 --> 00:18:22.050
  • so I really think when we're looking for answers,
  • 00:18:22.050 --> 00:18:24.230
  • the best place to go is really, go to the Bible
  • 00:18:24.230 --> 00:18:27.030
  • and see what God says about it.
  • 00:18:27.030 --> 00:18:29.010
  • - If you need some friends to lift you up,
  • 00:18:29.010 --> 00:18:30.220
  • then you just found them right here.
  • 00:18:30.220 --> 00:18:32.260
  • - Connect with us on social media
  • 00:18:32.260 --> 00:18:34.190
  • and let us know how we can pray for you.
  • 00:18:34.190 --> 00:18:36.200
  • (uplifting music)
  • 00:18:36.200 --> 00:18:39.150
  • - We have to be careful that we don't put our
  • 00:18:42.290 --> 00:18:44.220
  • standards of modesty on other people,
  • 00:18:44.220 --> 00:18:46.170
  • and so with my daughter my goal was to inspire her
  • 00:18:46.170 --> 00:18:51.170
  • to love God, to have a healthy soul.
  • 00:18:52.210 --> 00:18:54.220
  • 'Cause I think if we have a healthy soul,
  • 00:18:54.220 --> 00:18:57.200
  • if we know who we are, then we don't need to dress
  • 00:18:57.200 --> 00:19:01.270
  • in a way to draw attention to ourselves, or to try to get,
  • 00:19:01.270 --> 00:19:06.270
  • you know, acclaim from other people.
  • 00:19:06.270 --> 00:19:09.060
  • When you know who you are
  • 00:19:09.060 --> 00:19:10.220
  • then you just can confidently wear gym shorts and a t-shirt,
  • 00:19:10.220 --> 00:19:14.030
  • or a ball gown, or it doesn't matter,
  • 00:19:14.030 --> 00:19:17.100
  • because you know who you are.
  • 00:19:17.100 --> 00:19:18.140
  • And I think, so for me that's
  • 00:19:18.140 --> 00:19:20.280
  • how I've communicated with her,
  • 00:19:20.280 --> 00:19:22.210
  • is just to have this confidence in who she is,
  • 00:19:22.210 --> 00:19:25.260
  • and to be honest that's what I see in her.
  • 00:19:25.260 --> 00:19:28.150
  • - I think it's hard to think in a practical sense,
  • 00:19:28.150 --> 00:19:30.050
  • we want to know where is the line,
  • 00:19:30.050 --> 00:19:31.200
  • and then in 10 years when fashion changes,
  • 00:19:31.200 --> 00:19:33.100
  • where is the line, and then this person says this,
  • 00:19:33.100 --> 00:19:35.010
  • and I live in this country, now where is the line,
  • 00:19:35.010 --> 00:19:37.050
  • and it can be so hard when it's not black and white.
  • 00:19:37.050 --> 00:19:39.140
  • - Right, it's not though.
  • 00:19:39.140 --> 00:19:41.000
  • - And so in Philippians 4:8 I feel like I found a filter
  • 00:19:41.000 --> 00:19:43.280
  • for us to put our ideas and our photos on instagram
  • 00:19:43.280 --> 00:19:48.200
  • and our lives through, a filter to filter our photos with,
  • 00:19:48.200 --> 00:19:52.050
  • a filter for our lives of what happens when fashion changes
  • 00:19:52.050 --> 00:19:55.100
  • or the denomination changes or the country changes.
  • 00:19:55.100 --> 00:19:57.250
  • We're not just supposed to be conformed,
  • 00:19:57.250 --> 00:19:59.160
  • but transformed by the renewing of our minds,
  • 00:19:59.160 --> 00:20:01.170
  • so here's a way to think, for anyone that's watching,
  • 00:20:01.170 --> 00:20:03.170
  • that's not sure about this bikini, or this hemline,
  • 00:20:03.170 --> 00:20:06.090
  • or this situation, but this is what we can think on
  • 00:20:06.090 --> 00:20:08.260
  • when we're posting, when we're speaking,
  • 00:20:08.260 --> 00:20:10.130
  • when we're doing anything on social media.
  • 00:20:10.130 --> 00:20:11.280
  • "Finally, brothers, whatever is true,
  • 00:20:11.280 --> 00:20:14.200
  • "whatever is noble, whatever is right,
  • 00:20:14.200 --> 00:20:17.130
  • "whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
  • 00:20:17.130 --> 00:20:19.110
  • whatever is admirable,
  • 00:20:19.110 --> 00:20:20.240
  • if anything is excellent or praiseworthy,
  • 00:20:20.240 --> 00:20:22.110
  • think about such things."
  • 00:20:22.110 --> 00:20:24.030
  • And I would say, post about those things.
  • 00:20:24.030 --> 00:20:26.040
  • And share about those things.
  • 00:20:26.040 --> 00:20:28.050
  • Is this whatever is pure?
  • 00:20:28.050 --> 00:20:30.080
  • Is this whatever is lovely?
  • 00:20:30.080 --> 00:20:32.010
  • And with the conviction of Jesus in your life,
  • 00:20:32.010 --> 00:20:34.090
  • are you proud, is this whatever He is asking you to do?
  • 00:20:34.090 --> 00:20:38.260
  • Think on those things, post about whatever.
  • 00:20:38.260 --> 00:20:42.060
  • - That filter was awesome, your filter should be
  • 00:20:42.060 --> 00:20:45.160
  • the conviction of Holy Spirit.
  • 00:20:45.160 --> 00:20:47.160
  • What is Holy Spirit saying to you?
  • 00:20:47.160 --> 00:20:49.140
  • Are you comfortable in it?
  • 00:20:49.140 --> 00:20:51.030
  • Can you own it?
  • 00:20:51.030 --> 00:20:52.160
  • Do you feel good about it?
  • 00:20:52.160 --> 00:20:53.280
  • Is it pure to you?
  • 00:20:53.280 --> 00:20:55.200
  • Is it honest, is it a good report?
  • 00:20:55.200 --> 00:20:57.180
  • Because, like, I just wouldn't want to do that because now,
  • 00:20:57.180 --> 00:21:01.060
  • here we go, that's some church people,
  • 00:21:01.060 --> 00:21:03.150
  • they're always trying to put us in a box.
  • 00:21:03.150 --> 00:21:05.080
  • - Exactly, exactly.
  • 00:21:05.080 --> 00:21:06.240
  • - You know, and I want 'em to come in and then allow,
  • 00:21:06.240 --> 00:21:09.000
  • you know, Jesus is so awesome because he said,
  • 00:21:09.000 --> 00:21:11.250
  • well, us, to go and be fishers of men, bring 'em in,
  • 00:21:11.250 --> 00:21:14.240
  • and then he'll clean them.
  • 00:21:14.240 --> 00:21:16.160
  • - And to every woman out there
  • 00:21:16.160 --> 00:21:18.010
  • that's asking these kind of questions, where is the line,
  • 00:21:18.010 --> 00:21:20.130
  • what should I wear, what should I not wear,
  • 00:21:20.130 --> 00:21:21.190
  • I just want to say thank you
  • 00:21:21.190 --> 00:21:23.230
  • for living in this tension with us.
  • 00:21:23.230 --> 00:21:25.260
  • I don't have it all figured out,
  • 00:21:25.260 --> 00:21:27.020
  • we don't have it all figured out,
  • 00:21:27.020 --> 00:21:28.060
  • we're also trying to figure out
  • 00:21:28.060 --> 00:21:29.210
  • how to live like Jesus in this image-based world,
  • 00:21:29.210 --> 00:21:33.270
  • so thank you for asking the questions
  • 00:21:33.270 --> 00:21:36.030
  • and for caring how you represent yourself at all.
  • 00:21:36.030 --> 00:21:38.150
  • These conversations will outlive us,
  • 00:21:38.150 --> 00:21:41.030
  • and will show generations after us how to ask questions.
  • 00:21:41.030 --> 00:21:45.000
  • Maybe we won't have all the answers,
  • 00:21:45.000 --> 00:21:46.110
  • but I'm just grateful that women care.
  • 00:21:46.110 --> 00:21:48.290
  • Care that we're respectable,
  • 00:21:48.290 --> 00:21:51.020
  • that we're women to be desired to be like,
  • 00:21:51.020 --> 00:21:54.080
  • to hire, this is important.
  • 00:21:54.080 --> 00:21:56.110
  • So thank you for even asking the question,
  • 00:21:56.110 --> 00:21:57.270
  • I want to pray for us.
  • 00:21:57.270 --> 00:21:59.040
  • God, I just pray that we keep asking
  • 00:21:59.040 --> 00:22:00.160
  • the important questions.
  • 00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:02.010
  • Thank you that you've put a desire in us to look like you,
  • 00:22:02.010 --> 00:22:04.210
  • and we might not all agree on this,
  • 00:22:04.210 --> 00:22:06.170
  • but we all agree on we want to be
  • 00:22:06.170 --> 00:22:08.240
  • the best versions of ourselves,
  • 00:22:08.240 --> 00:22:10.190
  • so just help us see where we're right, where we're wrong,
  • 00:22:10.190 --> 00:22:12.260
  • where other people are right, where other people are wrong.
  • 00:22:12.260 --> 00:22:14.270
  • I think it's okay that some of us are
  • 00:22:14.270 --> 00:22:17.060
  • a little bit right and a little bit wrong,
  • 00:22:17.060 --> 00:22:18.170
  • but the important questions like this help us,
  • 00:22:18.170 --> 00:22:21.090
  • guide us to be more of who you've made us to be
  • 00:22:21.090 --> 00:22:22.270
  • and the best version of that.
  • 00:22:22.270 --> 00:22:24.100
  • In the name of Jesus, amen.
  • 00:22:24.100 --> 00:22:26.160
  • - [Voiceover] You can call the number
  • 00:22:26.160 --> 00:22:28.010
  • on your screen right now to talk to a prayer partner.
  • 00:22:28.010 --> 00:22:30.010
  • We're here for you 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
  • 00:22:30.010 --> 00:22:33.180
  • We love you, and most importantly, God loves you.
  • 00:22:33.180 --> 00:22:36.240
  • - So this is from Facebook, this is Victoria who wrote,
  • 00:22:38.270 --> 00:22:43.140
  • not Victoria Osteen, "How do you actively love everyone
  • 00:22:43.140 --> 00:22:48.000
  • "and not let your personal views become a breaking point
  • 00:22:48.000 --> 00:22:51.170
  • "in a long, dear relationship?
  • 00:22:51.170 --> 00:22:53.280
  • "I don't want to preach to anyone in my life
  • 00:22:53.280 --> 00:22:56.090
  • "because it doesn't help the cause of the cross,
  • 00:22:56.090 --> 00:22:58.050
  • "but how do I remain composed
  • 00:22:58.050 --> 00:23:00.120
  • "in the face of friendly fire upon my faith?"
  • 00:23:00.120 --> 00:23:03.080
  • - Wow, I think it's about knowing who you are in Christ
  • 00:23:04.200 --> 00:23:07.230
  • and knowing the commandment.
  • 00:23:07.230 --> 00:23:09.040
  • The Bible tells us to love everyone.
  • 00:23:09.040 --> 00:23:11.090
  • I mean, that's the commandment, to love as He love.
  • 00:23:11.090 --> 00:23:15.100
  • And when you take your personal views
  • 00:23:15.100 --> 00:23:18.000
  • and what you have gone through out of the whole cycle,
  • 00:23:18.000 --> 00:23:20.210
  • then you can genuinely love people.
  • 00:23:20.210 --> 00:23:22.240
  • Everybody should come into a relationship with a clean,
  • 00:23:22.240 --> 00:23:26.010
  • a blank slate if you will,
  • 00:23:26.010 --> 00:23:27.290
  • and allow them to write on it the things
  • 00:23:27.290 --> 00:23:29.280
  • that they do in your life.
  • 00:23:29.280 --> 00:23:31.190
  • - This is from Alysa.
  • 00:23:31.190 --> 00:23:34.050
  • Victoria, I would like to know how you manage your time
  • 00:23:34.050 --> 00:23:37.110
  • with family, church, work ministry, children, your home,
  • 00:23:37.110 --> 00:23:41.220
  • prayer time, and girlfriend time?
  • 00:23:41.220 --> 00:23:45.000
  • How do you make time for yourself to recharge
  • 00:23:45.000 --> 00:23:48.030
  • and have so much energy?
  • 00:23:48.030 --> 00:23:50.060
  • - Well you know, that's a great question.
  • 00:23:50.060 --> 00:23:52.000
  • Really, Alysa, that is a great question,
  • 00:23:52.000 --> 00:23:53.190
  • because we all have 24 hours in the day.
  • 00:23:53.190 --> 00:23:55.170
  • And really, how we spend it is so important.
  • 00:23:55.170 --> 00:23:59.190
  • And I really think that when we prioritize
  • 00:23:59.190 --> 00:24:02.180
  • the important things in our life,
  • 00:24:02.180 --> 00:24:04.190
  • we'll be able to manage those things better.
  • 00:24:04.190 --> 00:24:07.230
  • So you know, I prioritize my time.
  • 00:24:07.230 --> 00:24:09.230
  • I usually cut out most of my time
  • 00:24:09.230 --> 00:24:11.220
  • for my family, my home, and my ministry.
  • 00:24:11.220 --> 00:24:16.040
  • And then the other, the girlfriend time, the going out time,
  • 00:24:16.040 --> 00:24:20.100
  • that's probably what I probably put on the back burner.
  • 00:24:20.100 --> 00:24:23.060
  • I really think taking care of yourself should be
  • 00:24:23.060 --> 00:24:25.260
  • on the top of your list.
  • 00:24:25.260 --> 00:24:27.000
  • Because if you're not good,
  • 00:24:27.000 --> 00:24:28.150
  • you know if you're not feeling good, if you're not healthy,
  • 00:24:28.150 --> 00:24:30.230
  • it's hard to give to people, your family.
  • 00:24:30.230 --> 00:24:33.190
  • So really it's about prioritizing your time and just,
  • 00:24:33.190 --> 00:24:37.180
  • meeting with God every day helps a lot
  • 00:24:37.180 --> 00:24:39.250
  • to really set the day and set the tone for the day.
  • 00:24:39.250 --> 00:24:42.290
  • - A great theme song for today's shoot
  • 00:24:42.290 --> 00:24:46.260
  • is a song that I wrote.
  • 00:24:46.260 --> 00:24:48.090
  • Let me tell you what it is.
  • 00:24:48.090 --> 00:24:49.250
  • Life is better, better, better, with you, hey,
  • 00:24:49.250 --> 00:24:54.150
  • wouldn't want to do life without you.
  • 00:24:55.200 --> 00:24:58.160
  • I didn't say I could sing, I said I wrote it.
  • 00:24:58.160 --> 00:25:00.080
  • Wouldn't want to do life without you, hey,
  • 00:25:00.080 --> 00:25:04.110
  • life is better, better, better, with you.
  • 00:25:04.110 --> 00:25:08.200
  • - [Voiceover] Here's what's coming up next
  • 00:25:08.200 --> 00:25:10.070
  • on Better Together.
  • 00:25:10.070 --> 00:25:12.040
  • - I'm just gonna be on this strike
  • 00:25:12.040 --> 00:25:13.100
  • 'cause I can control this. Right?
  • 00:25:13.100 --> 00:25:15.040
  • So I just think it's also the,
  • 00:25:15.040 --> 00:25:16.230
  • we feel the need to have to control something,
  • 00:25:16.230 --> 00:25:18.250
  • then that's where we can get in excess too.
  • 00:25:18.250 --> 00:25:21.130
  • It's like I need to control my life,
  • 00:25:21.130 --> 00:25:22.280
  • so I'm gonna work 16 hours a day, 'cause I can control it.
  • 00:25:22.280 --> 00:25:25.280
  • - [Voiceover] Watch Better Together weekdays on TBN.
  • 00:25:25.280 --> 00:25:28.200
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