Bobby Schuller | TBN

Bobby Schuller

Watch Bobby Schuller
November 7, 2016
27:33

Love or Loneliness: It's Your Choice

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Bobby Schuller

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  • [congregation applauding]
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  • Bobby Schuller: Thank you for joining us today.
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  • If you're just tuning in, we're glad that you're watching.
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  • And if you're ever near Disneyland, if you're ever
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  • in Orange County, or L.A., come to Shepherd's Grove.
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  • We want to meet you.
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  • We're a lot closer than you think.
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  • Friends, would you hold your hands out like this
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  • as a sign of receiving?
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  • We're gonna say this together, "I'm not what I do.
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  • I'm not what I have.
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  • I'm not what people say about me.
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  • I am the beloved of God. It's who I am.
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  • No one can take it from me. I don't have to worry.
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  • I don't have to hurry.
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  • I can trust my friend Jesus and share his love with the world."
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  • Thanks. You can be seated.
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  • I want to begin this morning by telling you something
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  • that 50% of you don't believe and 50% of you do
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  • and that is this, all of you, no matter who you are,
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  • I want you to know you are worthy of love and belonging.
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  • You are worthy of love and belonging.
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  • You are worthy of love and belonging.
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  • In spite of what you've done, in spite of what you have,
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  • in spite of all your flaws, warts and all,
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  • you are worthy of love and belonging.
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  • In spite of your regrets, in spite of your failures, in spite
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  • of your sin, you are worthy of love and belonging.
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  • If you hear anything I say today,
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  • I'll say it for a seventh time.
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  • You are worthy of love and belonging.
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  • And this is the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ,
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  • that you are not what you do.
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  • You're not what you have.
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  • And you're not what people say about you.
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  • You are a beloved child of God and you are loved by the most
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  • amazing person in the world.
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  • He loves you and if he loves you, trust me, you're worth it.
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  • And maybe you feel lonely now.
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  • And today, I have an answer for that and I'm gonna tell you
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  • about it so don't change the channel
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  • and don't leave your seat.
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  • Many of us often feel that we're in a crowd
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  • and yet we're all alone.
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  • Many of us can feel like our whole lives are filled with
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  • people and with things to do and yet, we remain unfulfilled.
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  • The cure for whatever it is that ails you, for whatever abyss
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  • that you feel, whatever loneliness is in your heart,
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  • the cure for that is to be intimately connected
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  • to the heart of God and to other people.
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  • And that's not an either/or. You need both.
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  • And today I'm gonna talk about the latter, what it means
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  • to be deeply connected in your relationships,
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  • in your love life, not only that, but with friends,
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  • and with your colleagues, and with the people
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  • that you do life with to have a deep abiding loyalty,
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  • friendship, and connectivity, and intimacy
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  • with the people you do life with.
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  • It is so important. It's the greatest need you have.
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  • That's why we talk about dignity all the time is
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  • because shame is the thing that gets in between that
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  • but when you have dignity that's found in the kingdom of God,
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  • you're giving an incredible courage to just take a risk
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  • and just go deep with people and that's a good thing.
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  • So, Brene Brown, who's one of my faves, very popular right now.
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  • She gave a TED Talk and it went viral.
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  • It's the biggest TED talk that's ever been, I think.
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  • And the reason is because she touched a nerve for everybody.
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  • And she did this research.
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  • She was originally a psychologist,
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  • and she's a research analyst, meaning that she says
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  • if you can't measure it, it doesn't exist.
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  • And as a psychologist she said, "Well, all psychologists--"
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  • I'm not a psychologist. I'm a pastor--
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  • she said, "All psychologists sort of agree on one thing,
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  • that the deepest human need is
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  • to connect deeply be other people."
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  • And she said, "I want to find out scientifically why some
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  • people can connect deeply with others and others cannot."
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  • So, she began this long process.
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  • It was supposed to be a year or two.
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  • It went 16 years long where she had thousands of interviews,
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  • tons of statistics, data, research,
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  • and what she found was this, that every single person
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  • essentially falls into one of two categories,
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  • and this makes all the difference on whether or not
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  • you can connect deeply with your friends and with your family.
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  • And it was just this one thing, some people believed
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  • that they were worthy of love and belonging
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  • and others did not.
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  • And at the core of it, if you believe that you are worthy of
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  • love and belonging, then you will do a much better job of
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  • connecting deeply with others than you would if you think you
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  • gotta earn it, if you think you're not good enough,
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  • if you think you're not smart enough.
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  • And so, what I want to say to you is that is the hope
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  • of the gospel for Jesus Christ
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  • that the shame you feel, the greatest barrier
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  • between you being vulnerable and connecting deeply
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  • with others, that the hope of the gospel is this, that in
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  • spite of all that I have done, it died on the cross with Christ
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  • and that I am loved as I am, that in my baptism,
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  • I received an adoption that can never be lost.
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  • That even now, I belong to a family
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  • that will never abandon me, and you do.
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  • You belong. You belong to a family of God.
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  • And you are loved and that will never be lost.
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  • You are worthy of love and belonging.
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  • Believe it. Believe it.
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  • It is true. Yes!
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  • That is the gospel and that is the great news.
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  • So often we think of heaven like, "Oh, that's the place
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  • I get to breathe under water, and fly, and eat, you know,
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  • cake all day and not get fat."
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  • You know, like heaven, heaven is the ultimate result
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  • of belonging to God.
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  • Heaven is the source of all life in the universe and heaven is
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  • the hope that when I die, I'll be more alive than I am now,
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  • that I will inherit fully my place with God
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  • and in his family.
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  • You see, isn't that great news?
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  • You're loved and if you trust in God, you'll live forever
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  • with him and that is such good, good news.
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  • Well, today we're talking about the we're
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  • in the seventh commandment of the Ten Commandments
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  • and you may wonder why I'm talking about all this
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  • and it's because today, who knows
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  • the seventh commandment?
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  • You want to guess?
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  • You shall not commit adultery.
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  • There's a reason why in the greatest moral code
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  • ever written that adultery was included.
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  • One is that I think that family is the greatest source
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  • of justice and goodness in any society.
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  • Having worked with homeless and having worked with gangs,
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  • I know that those are family problems at their heart.
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  • And the way that you're treated by your parents is gonna have
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  • a big impact on the way you live your life
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  • and on the decisions you make.
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  • And at the core of a family is your parents,
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  • being married and that relationship that they have.
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  • So, obviously adultery breaks that.
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  • But even deeper at the heart, I wonder if there could be
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  • a bigger emotionally wound than somebody cheating on you,
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  • than your wife or your husband cheating on you.
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  • As a pastor, I've seen it often.
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  • I know that there are two sides to that story and I know
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  • that it is still incredibly painful, incredibly messy.
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  • And I also know, by the way, that you can get through it if
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  • you really want to, that you can regain the hope that you had
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  • when you got married before all of that happened.
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  • And what I really want to say is that anyone who gets married,
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  • and not all of us are married, but anyone
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  • who gets married--weddings.
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  • I love doing weddings. I love them.
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  • And one of the reasons I love 'em is everybody is so joyful,
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  • and hopeful, and everybody's rooting for this couple.
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  • And in our world that can't seem to be focused on anything or
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  • make a decision, there's two people that love each other so
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  • much that they say, "I'm gonna spend the rest of my life
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  • loving you only."
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  • So, when adultery happens, and all the hope,
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  • and all the expectations that were in
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  • what's the most important relationship
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  • in your life are broken, of course, you feel terrible,
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  • of course you're hurting, and, of course, you're broken.
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  • And at the heart of adultery is actually the need
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  • that we have in general to be loved and to love.
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  • And so, what I want to talk about today is not just how to
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  • have a good marriage but I want to talk about how to be good in
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  • your relationships in general, including the platonic ones,
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  • that with your friends, with your colleagues,
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  • how can we be the kind of people that not only have friends
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  • and have good friendships but actually grow deeply
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  • and connect deeply with others?
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  • That's what I want to talk about today.
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  • So, first I want to say this is the most important thing
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  • in your life.
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  • Can we just say that?
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  • Sometimes movies say this but overall, the message we get from
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  • the world is the most important thing in your life is to leave
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  • a legacy, or to be famous, or to change the world.
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  • That is not the most important thing in your life.
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  • The most important thing in your life, and you'll--believe me
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  • if you don't believe it today, you'll believe it someday,
  • 00:10:04.130 --> 00:10:06.030
  • is your relationships, your marriage, your parents,
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  • your siblings, your kids, and your friends.
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  • These are the things that matter most in your life.
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  • And those of us who are hungering and thirsting
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  • for something, in the end, you will find it in a relationship
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  • with God or in a relationship with your friends.
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  • And I don't mean having friends, I mean being deeply connected
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  • with them, having just such an amazing friendship
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  • and loyalty that through thick and thin, you know,
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  • "This person knows me, and I know them,
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  • and we stick together."
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  • I want to tell you you can have that in your life.
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  • The number-one reason people don't have this in their life
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  • is the need to succeed.
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  • And let me tell you, there is a need to succeed.
  • 00:10:52.120 --> 00:10:55.030
  • And I hope you succeed, and I hope you do well in business,
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  • or in ministry, or in whatever it is that you do,
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  • in your hobbies, or in sports, or in school.
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  • Whatever it is that you're doing, I want you to succeed.
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  • But let me tell you, succeeding alone is worse
  • 00:11:06.290 --> 00:11:10.070
  • than failing with friends.
  • 00:11:10.080 --> 00:11:13.110
  • One of the greatest most fulfilling things you can do
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  • is succeed with people, with the people you love,
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  • that when you cross that finish line,
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  • you get there with your friends, and with your family,
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  • and you hug each other and you know,
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  • we did this together because we hung through thick and thin.
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  • You succeeded as a team, that is the best way to win at anything.
  • 00:11:31.220 --> 00:11:37.160
  • And being a pastor, I have seen enough people dying alone
  • 00:11:37.170 --> 00:11:43.050
  • with lots of money.
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  • I do not want that for you.
  • 00:11:44.200 --> 00:11:48.130
  • In the end, all your trophies, and all your money,
  • 00:11:48.140 --> 00:11:50.130
  • and all the stuff that you have, those things matter,
  • 00:11:50.140 --> 00:11:52.250
  • but they don't matter as much as having friends,
  • 00:11:52.260 --> 00:11:56.180
  • loved ones, or family by your side through thick and a thin.
  • 00:11:56.190 --> 00:12:00.280
  • And a legacy and the next generation that you know you
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  • loved, you empowered, you supported, you launched,
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  • that's what matters in the end, I believe with all my heart.
  • 00:12:09.050 --> 00:12:11.110
  • And in order to do that, you've got to connect deeply
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  • with others, with the people that matter to you.
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  • And there may only be four, or five, or two, or one of them,
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  • but to connect deeply with the people in your life.
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  • I think there are four ways that you can do this.
  • 00:12:28.190 --> 00:12:30.180
  • Oh, so, I don't do this a lot but I skipped a quote
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  • and it's just so good.
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  • You want to hear it?
  • 00:12:37.100 --> 00:12:39.010
  • It's this, "If you want to travel fast, go alone.
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  • If you want to travel far, go with friends."
  • 00:12:46.000 --> 00:12:50.130
  • It's an African proverb.
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  • Live by that and you'll do well in life.
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  • So, you don't have to be lonely. Congratulations.
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  • If you feel lonely, maybe you've got lots of friends,
  • 00:12:59.240 --> 00:13:02.100
  • maybe you've got no friends.
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  • For whatever reason, you don't have to feel lonely
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  • all the time.
  • 00:13:07.090 --> 00:13:08.240
  • You don't because you are worthy of love and belonging and today,
  • 00:13:08.250 --> 00:13:11.040
  • I'm gonna give you four tools that you'll need
  • 00:13:11.050 --> 00:13:13.120
  • to succeed in your relationships.
  • 00:13:13.130 --> 00:13:15.190
  • These are things that I have seen as a pastor and in my own
  • 00:13:15.200 --> 00:13:18.070
  • experience with my friends and my family.
  • 00:13:18.080 --> 00:13:20.220
  • There are many tools that you can get but these
  • 00:13:20.230 --> 00:13:22.250
  • are the four things that I think most people need.
  • 00:13:22.260 --> 00:13:25.010
  • And the first is the most important and it is this,
  • 00:13:25.020 --> 00:13:27.280
  • if you want to connect deeply with people,
  • 00:13:27.290 --> 00:13:30.210
  • which is your greatest need,
  • 00:13:30.220 --> 00:13:32.010
  • you need that more than anything.
  • 00:13:32.020 --> 00:13:33.140
  • If you want to connect deeply with people,
  • 00:13:33.150 --> 00:13:36.030
  • you have to be vulnerable.
  • 00:13:36.040 --> 00:13:39.200
  • To be vulnerable means to allow yourself to be seen deeply,
  • 00:13:39.210 --> 00:13:46.000
  • deeply, that you allow people to see all the stuff
  • 00:13:46.010 --> 00:13:51.030
  • in your life that you've been hiding,
  • 00:13:51.040 --> 00:13:53.250
  • all your shame, all your fears,
  • 00:13:53.260 --> 00:13:55.230
  • all your dreams, all your goals,
  • 00:13:55.240 --> 00:13:57.190
  • all your desires, all your wants,
  • 00:13:57.200 --> 00:13:59.220
  • all your needs, that you allow the people that are closest
  • 00:13:59.230 --> 00:14:03.030
  • in your life to just see you as you are,
  • 00:14:03.040 --> 00:14:06.270
  • no masks, no pretending.
  • 00:14:06.280 --> 00:14:10.200
  • When you do that, you always think,
  • 00:14:10.210 --> 00:14:12.270
  • "I'm going to push people away."
  • 00:14:12.280 --> 00:14:14.100
  • And sometimes you do but most of the time when you do that,
  • 00:14:14.110 --> 00:14:18.250
  • people don't feel farther from you, they feel closer to you.
  • 00:14:18.260 --> 00:14:22.170
  • They feel safer around you.
  • 00:14:22.180 --> 00:14:26.100
  • They feel like, "Well, maybe I can tell them my stuff."
  • 00:14:26.110 --> 00:14:31.120
  • And when vulnerability happens, there is a sharing of the soul
  • 00:14:31.130 --> 00:14:35.150
  • that happens between friends, or lovers, or family members.
  • 00:14:35.160 --> 00:14:39.280
  • There's this amazing experience that happens between people.
  • 00:14:39.290 --> 00:14:44.290
  • It's one reason why small groups are so important because this is
  • 00:14:45.000 --> 00:14:47.140
  • a place where a group of friends decide to intentionally,
  • 00:14:47.150 --> 00:14:51.050
  • for one hour, just be vulnerable.
  • 00:14:51.060 --> 00:14:52.190
  • So, if you want to connect deeply, I'm telling you,
  • 00:14:52.200 --> 00:14:57.140
  • the only way to do it, the only way is to be vulnerable.
  • 00:14:57.150 --> 00:15:02.210
  • If that's missing, the other three things I'm gonna say
  • 00:15:02.220 --> 00:15:04.290
  • are just not gonna work.
  • 00:15:05.000 --> 00:15:07.100
  • But the things that come in the way of vulnerability
  • 00:15:07.110 --> 00:15:09.130
  • and connecting deeply with others are these,
  • 00:15:09.140 --> 00:15:11.030
  • pride and fear.
  • 00:15:11.040 --> 00:15:14.050
  • Pride and fear are the two biggest things that get
  • 00:15:14.060 --> 00:15:16.280
  • in the way of you connecting deeply with others.
  • 00:15:16.290 --> 00:15:20.000
  • So, that's what you want to ask.
  • 00:15:20.010 --> 00:15:21.260
  • "Am I being proud, or am I afraid?"
  • 00:15:21.270 --> 00:15:25.100
  • Don't be afraid, and humble yourself,
  • 00:15:25.110 --> 00:15:27.100
  • and share your life with others.
  • 00:15:27.110 --> 00:15:29.110
  • If you want to connect deeply with others, number one,
  • 00:15:29.120 --> 00:15:31.070
  • you've gotta be vulnerable.
  • 00:15:31.080 --> 00:15:32.250
  • And you are learning. You are brave.
  • 00:15:32.260 --> 00:15:34.220
  • You are learning to know that your true identity is rooted in
  • 00:15:34.230 --> 00:15:38.070
  • God's love and that you have nothing to prove to anyone.
  • 00:15:38.080 --> 00:15:41.200
  • And you are learning to be vulnerable to the important
  • 00:15:41.210 --> 00:15:44.050
  • people in your life.
  • 00:15:44.060 --> 00:15:45.200
  • So, number one, be vulnerable.
  • 00:15:45.210 --> 00:15:47.090
  • Number two, make deposits into people.
  • 00:15:47.100 --> 00:15:53.060
  • I learned this from Dr. Harley, and this is so true
  • 00:15:53.070 --> 00:15:56.220
  • and this is also true in leadership.
  • 00:15:56.230 --> 00:15:58.290
  • Every single person you meet has--
  • 00:15:59.000 --> 00:16:00.230
  • and I know this is so cheesy.
  • 00:16:00.240 --> 00:16:02.060
  • This is very a cheesy term but it works.
  • 00:16:02.070 --> 00:16:05.160
  • Everyone has a love bank, all right?
  • 00:16:05.170 --> 00:16:09.060
  • You've got a love bank in your mind or in your heart
  • 00:16:09.070 --> 00:16:13.060
  • and as people do things for you that are meaningful to you,
  • 00:16:13.070 --> 00:16:16.120
  • they essentially make deposits there.
  • 00:16:16.130 --> 00:16:19.070
  • And the things that you do in the lives of other people,
  • 00:16:19.080 --> 00:16:22.130
  • you're making deposits and withdrawals.
  • 00:16:22.140 --> 00:16:24.230
  • And if you have a relationship that's on the rocks,
  • 00:16:24.240 --> 00:16:27.040
  • it's probably that you're-- that love bank is empty
  • 00:16:27.050 --> 00:16:29.230
  • or you're even in debt.
  • 00:16:29.240 --> 00:16:31.230
  • And they might even tell you that, "You owe me."
  • 00:16:31.240 --> 00:16:36.130
  • Look, one of the most things you can do as a leader, or if you're
  • 00:16:36.140 --> 00:16:39.090
  • a manager in your business, or in your family,
  • 00:16:39.100 --> 00:16:41.270
  • is to think in terms of,
  • 00:16:41.280 --> 00:16:43.180
  • "Have I deposited more than I've withdrawn?"
  • 00:16:43.190 --> 00:16:46.210
  • And trust me, you're gonna make mistakes.
  • 00:16:46.220 --> 00:16:48.220
  • It's gonna be good to have a little savings account
  • 00:16:48.230 --> 00:16:50.250
  • for that rainy day.
  • 00:16:50.260 --> 00:16:52.090
  • You're gonna need it.
  • 00:16:52.100 --> 00:16:54.210
  • One of the things that people think about is like,
  • 00:16:54.220 --> 00:16:57.070
  • "Well, I made all sorts of deposits."
  • 00:16:57.080 --> 00:16:58.250
  • Well, no, you might have made deposits
  • 00:16:58.260 --> 00:17:01.220
  • that would have like "you" deposits.
  • 00:17:01.230 --> 00:17:03.170
  • You know what I mean by that?
  • 00:17:03.180 --> 00:17:05.140
  • The way--everybody receives deposits in different ways.
  • 00:17:05.150 --> 00:17:08.130
  • Everybody receives love in different ways.
  • 00:17:08.140 --> 00:17:10.280
  • In a marriage relationship, the two most common things
  • 00:17:10.290 --> 00:17:13.040
  • that men want are sex.
  • 00:17:13.050 --> 00:17:15.160
  • Surprise, surprise.
  • 00:17:15.170 --> 00:17:17.000
  • I know everyone's so shocked. Good sex, by the way.
  • 00:17:17.010 --> 00:17:20.270
  • And the second is actually recreational companionship.
  • 00:17:20.280 --> 00:17:24.180
  • Guys want you to do fun stuff like, you know, go golfing,
  • 00:17:24.190 --> 00:17:27.180
  • go to the movies, go to dinner,
  • 00:17:27.190 --> 00:17:29.150
  • do, you know, go to a sports event.
  • 00:17:29.160 --> 00:17:31.110
  • Statistically, these are the two greatest needs
  • 00:17:31.120 --> 00:17:33.050
  • that men typically have in their marriage.
  • 00:17:33.060 --> 00:17:35.190
  • For women, the two greatest needs that women have are one,
  • 00:17:35.200 --> 00:17:40.000
  • conversation, just talk, especially about important
  • 00:17:40.010 --> 00:17:42.220
  • things or about the future.
  • 00:17:42.230 --> 00:17:44.190
  • And number two, affection, holding hands,
  • 00:17:44.200 --> 00:17:47.040
  • "putting your arm around me, I saying I'm pretty."
  • 00:17:47.050 --> 00:17:50.280
  • And I remember John Ortberg told a bunch of pastors he said,
  • 00:17:50.290 --> 00:17:53.230
  • "Always give your wife four nonsexual hugs a day."
  • 00:17:53.240 --> 00:17:59.060
  • Got it.
  • 00:17:59.070 --> 00:18:01.080
  • So, it is important that you think in terms of,
  • 00:18:01.090 --> 00:18:04.000
  • "Am I really depositing in this person's life?"
  • 00:18:04.010 --> 00:18:06.240
  • And that is what Jesus teaches us.
  • 00:18:06.250 --> 00:18:08.270
  • The wisdom of Jesus Christ is that you serve your friends,
  • 00:18:08.280 --> 00:18:12.220
  • that the purpose you're in relationship with others
  • 00:18:12.230 --> 00:18:15.110
  • is to serve others.
  • 00:18:15.120 --> 00:18:16.210
  • If everybody serves everybody, things are gonna go a lot better
  • 00:18:16.220 --> 00:18:19.040
  • and that's usually what happens in the beginning of a marriage
  • 00:18:19.050 --> 00:18:21.040
  • and the beginning of a fantastic relationship.
  • 00:18:21.050 --> 00:18:23.190
  • There's love notes. And there's hugging.
  • 00:18:23.200 --> 00:18:25.120
  • And there's kissing. And there's gifts.
  • 00:18:25.130 --> 00:18:27.050
  • And there's time.
  • 00:18:27.060 --> 00:18:28.150
  • And everybody's just serving everybody.
  • 00:18:28.160 --> 00:18:32.000
  • And that's what's so important is you gotta make more deposits,
  • 00:18:32.010 --> 00:18:35.090
  • good deposits, than you do withdrawals with the people
  • 00:18:35.100 --> 00:18:38.130
  • that matter in your life, all right?
  • 00:18:38.140 --> 00:18:41.090
  • So, number one, be vulnerable.
  • 00:18:41.100 --> 00:18:42.290
  • Number two, make deposits into people,
  • 00:18:43.000 --> 00:18:45.020
  • more deposits than you withdraw.
  • 00:18:45.030 --> 00:18:46.270
  • And you're doing that.
  • 00:18:46.280 --> 00:18:48.070
  • You're learning to serve others and I'm proud of you.
  • 00:18:48.080 --> 00:18:50.130
  • Number three, do not resent the responsibility
  • 00:18:50.140 --> 00:18:56.110
  • that always comes in every relationship.
  • 00:18:56.120 --> 00:19:00.230
  • When you have a new friend, you get new responsibilities.
  • 00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:04.060
  • When you get married, you have new responsibilities.
  • 00:19:04.070 --> 00:19:06.120
  • When you have kids, you have new responsibilities.
  • 00:19:06.130 --> 00:19:08.100
  • When you take on a job, you have new responsibilities.
  • 00:19:08.110 --> 00:19:10.080
  • When you get a dog or a cat-- look, I'm telling you,
  • 00:19:10.090 --> 00:19:16.210
  • the more love you have in your life, the less freedom you have.
  • 00:19:16.220 --> 00:19:20.010
  • It's like a formula.
  • 00:19:20.020 --> 00:19:21.270
  • Freedom, freedom is the currency of love.
  • 00:19:21.280 --> 00:19:25.280
  • The more love you have, the less freedom you have.
  • 00:19:25.290 --> 00:19:28.030
  • And if you want love in your life, if you want to have a
  • 00:19:28.040 --> 00:19:31.040
  • relationship, if you want to have good, deep friends, look,
  • 00:19:31.050 --> 00:19:34.190
  • love is spelled T-I-M-E.
  • 00:19:34.200 --> 00:19:36.210
  • It takes time.
  • 00:19:36.220 --> 00:19:38.270
  • You can't be friends with everybody.
  • 00:19:38.280 --> 00:19:41.010
  • You can only be friends with some people.
  • 00:19:41.020 --> 00:19:43.210
  • And if you want to have deep abiding relationships,
  • 00:19:43.220 --> 00:19:46.010
  • you have to devote yourself to people
  • 00:19:46.020 --> 00:19:47.130
  • and you have to understand that there is a responsibility,
  • 00:19:47.140 --> 00:19:51.060
  • responsibility, and that certain people
  • 00:19:51.070 --> 00:19:54.120
  • get more time than others.
  • 00:19:54.130 --> 00:19:57.210
  • So, like, Hannah was my first serious girlfriend.
  • 00:19:57.220 --> 00:20:01.010
  • I learned very quickly that there was
  • 00:20:01.020 --> 00:20:04.050
  • some responsibility there.
  • 00:20:04.060 --> 00:20:05.150
  • When I got married, there's responsibility.
  • 00:20:05.160 --> 00:20:06.250
  • I can't just go out whenever I feel like.
  • 00:20:06.260 --> 00:20:09.080
  • You know, I gotta talk to my wife about it.
  • 00:20:09.090 --> 00:20:11.010
  • When I have kids, oh my gosh,
  • 00:20:11.020 --> 00:20:13.010
  • just responsibility through the roof.
  • 00:20:13.020 --> 00:20:15.040
  • No time, no freedom, it's out the window.
  • 00:20:15.050 --> 00:20:18.160
  • So, this is what I'm telling you, I'm telling you now,
  • 00:20:18.170 --> 00:20:21.270
  • you can either be free, or you can have love.
  • 00:20:21.280 --> 00:20:25.040
  • You can't have both, so choose.
  • 00:20:25.050 --> 00:20:28.190
  • In other words, if you have love in your life,
  • 00:20:28.200 --> 00:20:32.050
  • you have what everybody wants.
  • 00:20:32.060 --> 00:20:33.280
  • You have it.
  • 00:20:33.290 --> 00:20:35.150
  • Don't resent the fact that means you have to be responsible.
  • 00:20:35.160 --> 00:20:38.150
  • They have to be responsible to you too, you know?
  • 00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:41.240
  • It's a give and take and that responsibility
  • 00:20:41.250 --> 00:20:44.130
  • in a way is a joy.
  • 00:20:44.140 --> 00:20:46.060
  • In the end as an old person, you'll look back and recognize
  • 00:20:46.070 --> 00:20:48.170
  • that that responsibility made you a better person.
  • 00:20:48.180 --> 00:20:50.170
  • It made you a deeper person.
  • 00:20:50.180 --> 00:20:52.040
  • It made you a more joyful person.
  • 00:20:52.050 --> 00:20:53.190
  • And that's a good thing.
  • 00:20:53.200 --> 00:20:55.150
  • So, number one, be vulnerable.
  • 00:20:55.160 --> 00:20:57.250
  • Number two, make deposits, more than withdrawals.
  • 00:20:57.260 --> 00:21:00.160
  • Number three, having love means responsibility.
  • 00:21:00.170 --> 00:21:04.050
  • You're not gonna have freedom. And number four, be the first.
  • 00:21:04.060 --> 00:21:08.270
  • Be the first.
  • 00:21:08.280 --> 00:21:10.170
  • Be the first to make that phone call.
  • 00:21:10.180 --> 00:21:12.230
  • Be the first to say you're sorry.
  • 00:21:12.240 --> 00:21:15.010
  • Be the first to make a change in the relationship.
  • 00:21:15.020 --> 00:21:18.020
  • Be the first to clean the house.
  • 00:21:18.030 --> 00:21:22.130
  • Look, everybody's gotta clean the house,
  • 00:21:24.170 --> 00:21:26.010
  • not just the girls, okay?
  • 00:21:26.020 --> 00:21:28.080
  • Dudes, come on. Clean the house.
  • 00:21:28.090 --> 00:21:33.070
  • Take turns. Clean the house.
  • 00:21:33.080 --> 00:21:37.090
  • Be the first.
  • 00:21:37.100 --> 00:21:39.110
  • And that is a big part of making deposits.
  • 00:21:39.120 --> 00:21:41.030
  • Be the first.
  • 00:21:41.040 --> 00:21:42.220
  • I think so many times what happens is when
  • 00:21:42.230 --> 00:21:44.040
  • there's a conflict, or when there's a change
  • 00:21:44.050 --> 00:21:45.230
  • that needs to happen, or something needs to happen,
  • 00:21:45.240 --> 00:21:48.020
  • pride and fear get in the way and nobody does it.
  • 00:21:48.030 --> 00:21:50.170
  • They say, "I'll do it but he has to go first
  • 00:21:50.180 --> 00:21:52.250
  • or she has to go first."
  • 00:21:52.260 --> 00:21:54.150
  • And then what happens it just usually gets buried
  • 00:21:54.160 --> 00:21:59.050
  • and it just starts doing all sorts of things to your heart,
  • 00:21:59.060 --> 00:22:01.100
  • and your mind, and even your body.
  • 00:22:01.110 --> 00:22:03.070
  • And that stuff builds up and now you begin to resent
  • 00:22:03.080 --> 00:22:06.050
  • each other and all these walls are going up.
  • 00:22:06.060 --> 00:22:08.190
  • And you're wondering, "What happened to us?"
  • 00:22:08.200 --> 00:22:11.030
  • Don't let it happen, just be the first.
  • 00:22:11.040 --> 00:22:12.180
  • Just suck it up and say you're sorry.
  • 00:22:12.190 --> 00:22:15.050
  • I know the other person did something wrong, too,
  • 00:22:15.060 --> 00:22:16.240
  • and they'll apologize after you apologize.
  • 00:22:16.250 --> 00:22:19.040
  • That's usually how it happens.
  • 00:22:19.050 --> 00:22:20.210
  • Maybe not but be the first to do those things.
  • 00:22:20.220 --> 00:22:24.210
  • So, number one, be vulnerable.
  • 00:22:24.220 --> 00:22:26.210
  • Number two, make deposits, more deposits than withdrawals.
  • 00:22:26.220 --> 00:22:29.050
  • Number three, love requires responsibility and devotion.
  • 00:22:29.060 --> 00:22:33.070
  • And number four, be the first.
  • 00:22:33.080 --> 00:22:35.010
  • And if you do these things, you're gonna do
  • 00:22:35.020 --> 00:22:37.010
  • a lot better in your friendships.
  • 00:22:37.020 --> 00:22:38.120
  • You're gonna do better leading.
  • 00:22:38.130 --> 00:22:39.220
  • And you're gonna be a better husband.
  • 00:22:39.230 --> 00:22:41.020
  • You're gonna be a better wife. You're gonna be a better parent.
  • 00:22:41.030 --> 00:22:43.120
  • You're gonna be a better kid to your parents.
  • 00:22:43.130 --> 00:22:45.210
  • You do these things and you'll grow immensely.
  • 00:22:45.220 --> 00:22:47.160
  • And you'll find a deep connection
  • 00:22:47.170 --> 00:22:49.070
  • that you need with people.
  • 00:22:49.080 --> 00:22:50.170
  • And it takes time. It takes forgiving.
  • 00:22:50.180 --> 00:22:51.290
  • It never goes perfectly.
  • 00:22:52.000 --> 00:22:53.110
  • There's always bumps in the road but stay firm to these four
  • 00:22:53.120 --> 00:22:56.000
  • things, to this wisdom and your life will be a lot better.
  • 00:22:56.010 --> 00:23:02.020
  • Lord, thank you that you've called us to this place.
  • 00:23:02.030 --> 00:23:04.150
  • And I pray for everybody who's here in this church
  • 00:23:04.160 --> 00:23:08.000
  • and everybody who's watching on TV that feels lonely,
  • 00:23:08.010 --> 00:23:09.290
  • it feels like they're unworthy of love and belonging
  • 00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:13.070
  • or has had just a rough patch in marriage.
  • 00:23:13.080 --> 00:23:15.110
  • Maybe somebody's going through a divorce right now
  • 00:23:15.120 --> 00:23:17.200
  • and they feel alone or they feel shame.
  • 00:23:17.210 --> 00:23:19.290
  • Lord, I just pray that you'd speak life over them.
  • 00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:23.150
  • I speak life over you in Jesus' name.
  • 00:23:23.160 --> 00:23:25.120
  • And whatever it is you're going through in your life, the things
  • 00:23:25.130 --> 00:23:28.060
  • that you're afraid of, to tell others or whatever,
  • 00:23:28.070 --> 00:23:30.070
  • I want you to know that I love you,
  • 00:23:30.080 --> 00:23:32.220
  • that God loves you, and that you are a part of our family,
  • 00:23:32.230 --> 00:23:36.040
  • the family of God.
  • 00:23:36.050 --> 00:23:37.140
  • And you'll never be abandoned. You're loved.
  • 00:23:37.150 --> 00:23:39.230
  • So, Lord, thank you that you've done this for us.
  • 00:23:39.240 --> 00:23:42.130
  • It's only by grace that we're saved.
  • 00:23:42.140 --> 00:23:45.010
  • And by grace we come and we thank you.
  • 00:23:45.020 --> 00:23:46.210
  • In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
  • 00:23:46.220 --> 00:23:51.240
  • male: I was born in Baghdad, Iraq.
  • 00:23:51.250 --> 00:23:54.150
  • In 1991, my life and many others changed dramatically when
  • 00:23:54.160 --> 00:24:01.220
  • the Gulf War started and we all had to be soldiers.
  • 00:24:01.230 --> 00:24:05.220
  • What I saw and experienced there was horrible and inhumane.
  • 00:24:05.230 --> 00:24:10.200
  • I'm the only one of my barracks who survived.
  • 00:24:10.210 --> 00:24:14.150
  • I was angry with God and disappointed because
  • 00:24:14.160 --> 00:24:18.160
  • he allowed this to happen.
  • 00:24:18.170 --> 00:24:20.240
  • Though, I tried to move on, anger and sadness
  • 00:24:20.250 --> 00:24:24.190
  • stood by me as a shadow.
  • 00:24:24.200 --> 00:24:26.220
  • Then one day, I saw "Hour of Power."
  • 00:24:26.230 --> 00:24:30.000
  • A young man said, "God loves you no matter what you are."
  • 00:24:30.010 --> 00:24:34.160
  • I still question things but now I leave it to God because he
  • 00:24:34.170 --> 00:24:38.240
  • is the one who answers and I have to trust him.
  • 00:24:38.250 --> 00:24:42.100
  • For now, he says to me, "You are my beloved son.
  • 00:24:42.110 --> 00:24:46.140
  • I gave you life and I will lead each day."
  • 00:24:46.150 --> 00:24:50.140
  • This has changed my life forever.
  • 00:24:50.150 --> 00:24:53.060
  • I am now more positive and happy with my life.
  • 00:24:53.070 --> 00:24:56.230
  • I want to thank you for your message and for giving me
  • 00:24:56.240 --> 00:25:00.170
  • a different perspective and purpose in my life.
  • 00:25:00.180 --> 00:25:04.100
  • I know now that God is here and he loves me.
  • 00:25:04.110 --> 00:25:08.060
  • Thank you.
  • 00:25:08.070 --> 00:25:09.230
  • Sincerely, Raf Imara.
  • 00:25:09.240 --> 00:25:11.200
  • Bobby: Raf, thank you so much and we're so thrilled about
  • 00:25:11.210 --> 00:25:14.050
  • your new positive attitude and your understanding
  • 00:25:14.060 --> 00:25:17.030
  • of God's love for you.
  • 00:25:17.040 --> 00:25:18.230
  • I mean, that's--that is why we get up in the morning
  • 00:25:18.240 --> 00:25:20.180
  • is for people like you.
  • 00:25:20.190 --> 00:25:21.280
  • And one of the reasons we're sharing these stories with the
  • 00:25:21.290 --> 00:25:24.180
  • whole world is because we have to raise money to continue
  • 00:25:24.190 --> 00:25:27.130
  • to reach these types of people.
  • 00:25:27.140 --> 00:25:29.130
  • When we ask for money, we're not asking for us.
  • 00:25:29.140 --> 00:25:31.080
  • We're asking for people like Raf.
  • 00:25:31.090 --> 00:25:32.290
  • We're asking for those people in the world that are going through
  • 00:25:33.000 --> 00:25:36.020
  • just a rough time, that are looking for hope.
  • 00:25:36.030 --> 00:25:38.270
  • They don't know where to look and then on the TV, we're there.
  • 00:25:38.280 --> 00:25:42.070
  • Recently, we prayed about it and we took a huge leap
  • 00:25:42.080 --> 00:25:46.100
  • to go on a nationwide network.
  • 00:25:46.110 --> 00:25:48.170
  • And the price tag was $16.000 a month,
  • 00:25:48.180 --> 00:25:50.290
  • and we just said, let's do it.
  • 00:25:51.000 --> 00:25:52.260
  • Let's step out in faith. Let's go.
  • 00:25:52.270 --> 00:25:54.210
  • So, we did.
  • 00:25:54.220 --> 00:25:56.010
  • We made this move and we're asking people to get behind it.
  • 00:25:56.020 --> 00:25:58.030
  • And if the millions of people that watch, if everybody plays
  • 00:25:58.040 --> 00:26:00.170
  • just a small part in this, it'll be a piece of cake.
  • 00:26:00.180 --> 00:26:03.080
  • We can totally do it and we're asking you to help us because
  • 00:26:03.090 --> 00:26:05.180
  • that $16.000 is gonna reach hundreds of thousands of people,
  • 00:26:05.190 --> 00:26:09.240
  • millions every year, if you get behind us
  • 00:26:09.250 --> 00:26:12.130
  • and make our dream reality.
  • 00:26:12.140 --> 00:26:14.010
  • We believe in you.
  • 00:26:14.020 --> 00:26:15.180
  • It's not for us, it's for people that are hurting,
  • 00:26:15.190 --> 00:26:17.040
  • people that need hope, and you're doing it.
  • 00:26:17.050 --> 00:26:18.270
  • I'm so thankful for you.
  • 00:26:18.280 --> 00:26:20.110
  • male announcer: We receive thousands of letters each week
  • 00:26:20.120 --> 00:26:22.060
  • filled with testimonies of what God is doing in the lives
  • 00:26:22.070 --> 00:26:24.240
  • of "Hour of Power" viewers.
  • 00:26:24.250 --> 00:26:26.210
  • It's a blessing for us and now we want to share it with you.
  • 00:26:26.220 --> 00:26:30.010
  • So, for every donation of $20 or more,
  • 00:26:30.020 --> 00:26:32.180
  • we're going to send you this new
  • 00:26:32.190 --> 00:26:34.090
  • "Beloved Hour of Power" calendar.
  • 00:26:34.100 --> 00:26:36.170
  • Every page is filled with a short but beautiful quote
  • 00:26:36.180 --> 00:26:39.070
  • from these testimonies.
  • 00:26:39.080 --> 00:26:41.010
  • Let each month be a reminder of God's faithfulness
  • 00:26:41.020 --> 00:26:43.230
  • and how your support is changing lives.
  • 00:26:43.240 --> 00:26:46.190
  • Call, write, or go online now.
  • 00:26:46.200 --> 00:26:49.200
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